How to Turn Conflict into Connection: A Negotiation Guru's Top Tips

Getting to Yes co-author William Ury shares 5 key insights from his new book Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict.

Have you noticed that some conflicts seem unsolvable? Whether it’s in international relations or in your personal life, sometimes finding common ground can seem impossible. But it’s not, according to master negotiator William Ury in the new book Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict. William is the cofounder of Harvard's Program on Negotiation and has served as a mediator in conflicts around the world. He’s also the coauthor of Getting to Yes, the bestselling negotiation book in the world. Read or listen to some of his big ideas below.

The 5 Key Insights:  

1. Don’t try to end conflict: transform it.

2. Get some perspective: go to the balcony.

3. Find a way out: build a golden bridge.

4. Get some help: engage the third side.

5. Be a possibilist.

1. Don’t try to end conflict: transform it.

We can’t end conflict—nor should we. Conflict is natural, a part of life. We may actually need more conflict, not less. By that, I mean healthy conflict that allows us to engage our differences, grow, and change what needs to be changed. Healthy conflict can make our relationships strong, our democracy vibrant, and our economy thriving.

The challenge we face is not how to get rid of conflict but how to handle it in a different way. All too often, we fall into what I call the three A trap: