Overcome Insecurity and Improve Your Relationships Through Science

Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley share 5 big ideas from Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World

Can science improve your relationships? It just might, according to the new book Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World by Sue Marriott and Ann Kelly. Sue is a clinical social worker and educator, Ann is a licensed psychologist, and together they cohost the Therapist Uncensored Podcast. In their book, they bring together neuroscience and psychological theory to offer practical tools you can use to strengthen your bonds with others while improving your own mental health.  Here they are to share 5 of their key insights.

1. It’s no surprise we’re overwhelmed.

We’re bombarded with threats that we feel helpless to change: images of deadly wars, ongoing political polarization, and climate chaos, to name a few. We are overwhelmed, and there’s no relief in sight. Our bodies aren’t designed to endure ongoing stress. We’re designed to be social and connected and care for one another. If we feel a sense of threat, we quickly turn on our brain’s circuitry for self-protection mode. When activated, protective instinct shuts down our higher thinking, but it’s supposed to be temporary. When the stress isn’t temporary and becomes chronic, we have an amygdala hijack. We think that a big problem today is that our collective amygdala has been taken over and has hijacked higher thinking. This is leading us to become more disconnected from one another.