Things I Want to Tell My Children (But Don’t)
A July 4th reflection on restraint, fatherhood, and the best advice from a digital-age sage
Happy July 4th weekend folks!
I hope you’ve been enjoying friends and family, with a minimum of the drama. I have had my three boys at home along with cousins, girlfriends, and a swirl of family friends. Good times.
The struggle, for me, with teenagers, is to keep my advice to myself. I feel positively pregnant with pent up counsel for my kids, which they generally don’t want to hear. I have written some of it down for safekeeping, so that if I ever get hit by a streetcar I can counsel my kids from the grave. And I continue to learn from others.
One of my favorite sources of wisdom is Kevin Kelly, co-founder of Wired Magazine, who wrote a book a couple years back called Excellent Advice for Living. Here are few samples:
Don’t create things to make money; make money so you can create things.
To quiet a crowd or a drunk, just whisper.
When you find something you really enjoy, do it slowly.
Forgiveness is accepting the apology you will never get.
(This is but a taste … listen to my full conversation with Kevin Kelly on Apple or Spotify)
Who is Kevin Kelly? He is somewhat of a legend among the early digital cognescenti. Kevin edited the seminal Whole Earth Review; he helped launch The WELL, an influential early online community, in 1985; and co-founded Wired in 1993. He wrote a bestselling book called The Inevitable: Understanding the 12 Technological Forces That Will Shape Our Future.
A few of my other favorites:
It’s thrilling to be extremely polite to rude strangers
Enthusiasm is worth 25 IQ points (and it’s easier to grow your enthusiasm and your intelligence)
A lot of success is indistinguishable from patience
To be interesting, just tell your story with uncommon honesty!
There is exactly one piece of advice from Kevin that I disagree with:
Never wear a hat that has more character than you do. Are you with Kevin or with me on this?
Thoughts on the advice above, or my conversation with Kevin Kelly? Let me know in the comments below.
Here's my argument in favor of wear eccentric hats (and other clothing) — I find that they lighten my mood, and those of others. Put another way, though the hat may have more character than you do before you put it on, by the time you take it off you will have just as much ;)
I recognize that some people may see a guy wearing a hat with rubber duckies on the perimeter of the brim and think, "that guy didn't get enough attention as a child." This is the downside of goofy garb — it may be read as a attention grab. On the other hand, it's a way of communicating, "We all have permission not to take ourselves so seriously. Decorum is overrated. Let's color outside the lines."
What do you think?
Love that book, which I first heard about on TNBI podcast when it was first published. I've bought copies for several others and have quoted it many times. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. It's actually not a big idea but a collection of fabulous small ideas.