I think we all probably need it. I was well into my thirties when I discovered I had a deep people-pleasing instinct that was leading to anxiety and sleeplessness. Even without obvious childhood trauma, that need to manage the emotions of other people was powerful. Thanks for sharing your ideas!
I’ve been thinking there is another response to fight, flight, freeze and fawn—fragment. When the response is to break into parts with sharp and/or fluid edges is also a trauma response.
Dear Meg, thank you for the wonderful insights! Never thought about myself as a people-pleaser, but also have been unconsciously trying to manage the emotions of others and feeling strongly responsible for that. I’m for sure one of the people who have been reached by your thoughts and are in need of. I will definitely dive deep on your book.
Thank you so much for letting me chat more about ARE YOU MAD AT ME? - I hope it reaches everyone who needs it!
I think we all probably need it. I was well into my thirties when I discovered I had a deep people-pleasing instinct that was leading to anxiety and sleeplessness. Even without obvious childhood trauma, that need to manage the emotions of other people was powerful. Thanks for sharing your ideas!
Being agreeable feels safe, especially in customer relationships. But customer-pleasing is not the same as customer-serving.
When you default to yes:
• You overpromise.
• You stretch your team thin.
• You confuse the value you actually deliver.
In the long run, it breaks trust instead of building it.
I’ve written about this trap and how to reset expectations in a healthier way for both sides. Here’s one post that might resonate:
👉 TFT: Selling to the Stressed-Out Buyer: https://open.substack.com/pub/engsales/p/selling-to-the-stressed-out-buyer?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I’ve been thinking there is another response to fight, flight, freeze and fawn—fragment. When the response is to break into parts with sharp and/or fluid edges is also a trauma response.
Dear Meg, thank you for the wonderful insights! Never thought about myself as a people-pleaser, but also have been unconsciously trying to manage the emotions of others and feeling strongly responsible for that. I’m for sure one of the people who have been reached by your thoughts and are in need of. I will definitely dive deep on your book.